Where am I in or Portland or some other cold, wet city?

This must be some kind of cosmic joke. We have 1 or two days of actual spring, almost summer weather and then the temp drops like 70 degrees and you feel like you’re in a refrigerator. So you wonder about the signs all around you. And you ask did you move somewhere in the middle of the night. Have you suddenly been transported somewhere you don’t belong. You ask your friends if they have seen anything funny lately? Are the numbers 503, 541, 971, and 458 going through your head? Because those are the area codes for Portland, Oregon.

Are you feeling cold and wet for no good reason at all? When the sun shines, do you find yourself thinking, there’s something wrong here. It’s because you moved to Portland. There is some kind of Portland Oregon disease sweeping America where we are all becoming cold and wet. Save yourselves, those of you who can. This may be one of the last blog entries you receive from me as all the Portlandness overwhelms me. Farewell, Milwaukee.

 

Top 10 campaign slogans for Anthony Weiner

1. In your face, suckers!
2. I’m all wrapped up.
3. Weiners: not just for breakfast anymore!
4. Weiner: I won’t shove my ideas down your throat!
5. Not tweeting my weiner to women anymore.
6. Stop making up sick puns about my name.
7. Weiner, he’s not soft on crime or anything else.
8. I regret that I have only one weiner to give to my country.
9. A weiner in every pot!
10. Weiner, take a bite; you’ll swallow my politics!

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Laughing with the atheists

I went into this weekend in a funk and writing about depression. And it is true some of the same concerns are still there. I didn’t solve them but I have stopped focusing on them. And one of my coping mechanisms has been to visit the Black Unbelievers Facebook page and laugh along with them. I told them it saved on gas and was very entertaining. I also searched twitter to find other freethinkers and was successful. It would certainly be fun to meet some of these people in person. To have a Black unbelievers meetup in Milwaukee would be great.  And many people have said that laughter is the best medicine and it still is true. Away with all doubts!.

 

And has

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I was busy freaking out. Oh, by the way, here’s your hire letter

I’ve been working in my new position since Monday and sometimes it’s like the Army. Hurry up and wait. The first couple of days were very fast paced. I got out into the field, went to see people and started doing my notes. I spoke in staff meetings and attended a couple of groups. I started picking out consumers that I was planning to see.  But suddenly in the middle of today things kind of slowed down.

The computer started freaking out. And then I noticed everyone was gone. I started wondering what was happening. Was there a secret meeting being held where I was being fired? Oh shit. Was I in trouble due to something on the background check? Then about 15 minutes ago three of the supervisors re-appeared. With my hire letter. And I said, Kenyatta, you really need to chill out.

Turning 50

I discovered when I logged to my blog that 50 misguided individuals were now subscribing to my scribblings. This probably reflects a few things: a surplus of leisure time among bloggers who are reading me instead of writing that potentially groundbreaking article that will get them noticed by the McArthur Foundation. I have also mentioned recent efforts by my cat to help market me, given the absence of a robust marketing department. However, even if you did follow a link sent to you by Riley C. Cat, I’m glad that you made the effort. Unfortunately, as an oddball, I find it difficult to truly understand your motivations for doing so.

 I’ve written almost 400 entries and most of the m were much better than this so I hope you won’t start to feel that I hit my writing peak. Stop by again soon and hopefully by then I will have found something deeply moving. You wish.

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Milwaukee criminals disgusted by “boxer bandit.”

I have canvassed Milwaukee crime lords, thugs and assholes in recent days who are revolted by recent news stories about the”boxer bandit”, a young black man who robs banks while having his pants hanging half off his ass. TV news stories showed pictures from bank cameras showing a young black man robbing banks. But what was different was that this guy shows up with his pants down around his knees. He’s mean, seems to have a gun and wears plaid boxers.

Your grandfather when he was a virgin might have worn plaid boxers. But in 2012, America, I said it, now deal with it. A young black bank robber wears plaid boxers. Things I ain’t never seen, much less put on my wonderful brown body. I usually wear those wonderful very comfortable so-called “tighty whities.” that’s why I decided to canvass Milwaukee criminals about this latest story. Here’s what Joe Motherfucker said. “Fuckin bullshit, I’m gonna be a banker or a congressman.Motherfucker rob a bank in his boxers. Fuckin white people always tearing down the black man.”

It was heart wrenching listening to men with such long crime histories pour out their hearts about this boxer bandit. They’re ashamed, frustrated by the amount of ridicule that thugs receive as a result of this news story. This is  America and we will soon see a young man attempting to run from the police with his pants down around his knees. It’s going to be a long year for run of mill criminals.

When will we stop  having sex with our mothers and find women who did not give birth to us? If I knew the answer, I wouldn’t be interviewing these thugs.

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Local oddball gets networked. Police investigation to follow

Last week, out of the blue, someone I used to work with called up and and started talking with me. I had not spoken with her in about two months. Not since I had hugged her and said I would miss her. This is a woman about whom I have complex feelings. When we met, a few years ago, I tried to ignore her. I would try to arrive when I knew she would be gone.

That was pretty successful for a while except for the occasional staff meeting. Unfortunately, I found that was not a permanent solution. We continued working together and I found that I had to talk with her. This led to actually getting along together despite constant interference from my other personalities.

Suddenly one day I found that I liked her. Well, wouldn’t you know, that would be the day I accidentally found out she was moving on to a better job. I gave her a copy of Bruce Springsteen‘s song “if I fall behind, wait for me” the last time I saw her. And went on with life. So, of course, as I’m minding my own business last week here this woman calls to talk about how things have been going. Having just written the blog entry about being told not to keep in touch, I mentioned that my supervisor had placed a restraining order against me. That made her worried. Was I wacko? Did I need a med change?

It wasn’t until somewhere around the 10 minute mark of our conversation that I realized she had called to find out whether I might be someone to work with again in the new opportunities being created for certified peer specialists. I ended up trying to get her to come to Madison for Empowerment Days next weekend.

I must be nuts. I don’t understand how I don’t recognize the signs of being networked. I’ve been in a tizzy the last 48 hours. Even the cat told me to chill out. She called the police as part of her wellness plan. If I get networked again in Madison I may not survive the experience. Readers, BTW, this is the point in the blog where you wonder how you could possibly be spending your youth reading about some local oddball in Milwaukee. I have to admit, I have the same problem with our relationship. Let’s try not to keep in touch. Thanks for listening.

The Oddball Couple (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Local oddball told “don’t keep in touch!”

Nichelle Nichols Visits NASA Goddard for MLK/African American History Month Keynote Event (Photo credit: NASA Goddard Space Flight Center)

Last week I appeared in front of Judge Luther P. Johnson regarding a restraining order that my supervisor at week had requested against me. All I thought I was doing was keeping in touch, which was what she had said that she needed. I know I can be a little bit of an odd duck. That’s what makes me interesting but I guess not everyone seems things the same way that I do.

I fry catfish on Mondays and that somehow makes me a little odd. Sometimes I read books from the end to the beginning. I even write letters to Congress, all things that seem a little obscure. The other thing I do is I contact supervisors. Particularly since last year when I was told repeatedly that I needed to keep in touch with her. So I started sending her a few emails, maybe tweeting her or leaving an occasional voice mail message at 1AM. So far, so good. She would tell me how amusing these items were, although my cat thought I should cool it. “Stop while you’re ahead, Kenyatta.” She’s just so practical.

But if she was such a smart cat, she would have been buying her own food. Just because she talks to me, she thinks she’s all that. Well, as it happened, I probably should have listened to her a little more. I was soon buying electronic devices to help reach out and touch. I would wake up in the middle of the night possessed by the idea that I needed to keep in touch. I would be on a date and then suddenly I had to send out a message.

I even sought out 12 step groups for men who are constantly keeping in touch with women but nothing helped. So now I here I sit with this huge restraining order against me. All my wonderful I-pads and smartphones have been seized. I’m a man without access. The last words of Judge Johnson: “Kenyatta, don’t keep in touch.” I was stunned but I will survive.

restraining order (Photo credit: @MSG)

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Local oddball Goes International and Wild all at Once!

T-shirt for Kuma Bolo (Photo credit: Valeri-DBF)

Image via CrunchBase

One day I looked in a copy of The Onion, which is renowned for its fact based journalism and saw a picture of a guy in a tee shirt that proclaimed: local oddball.  And I thought, that could be me I’m local and quite a strange person and with that I was well on the way to becoming a local oddball. I didn’t buy the tee shirt, because I have too many clothes already.

But my next inspiration was to begin spewing forth my inspiration to tens if not dozens of people across and upon the fair city of Milwaukee. I bought a trusty computer recommended by Riley C. Cat, who you will recognize as a cartoon character in one of my earlier stories and away I was swept. I pondered for a few minutes whether there were guidelines for being an oddball. If I acted a certain way, would I be considered quirky, offbeat or or a poser? You know, one of those types who is a straight laced accountant by day but when he takes off his Lutheranism in front of the computer becomes a Superfreak. This sounds like a character from Barely Political.  But it wasn’t me.

I wanted to be recognized for who I am. Lately I have become more disturbed than ever upon having returned to my faithful computer and thrust myself upon it. When I checked the statistics of who was reading my pearls of wisdom, WordPress began telling me most of my readers were from outside the US. Yes, it’s true, dear reader.

Take yesterday, for example. I had readers from the United Kingdom, India, Haiti, Canada, Cameroon, Sweden, Singapore, Mexico and Honduras. I mean, who knew those places had Internet service? They edged out my local American readers in terms of quantification of enormity times py. And that’s really saying something because you know us Americans, we like to be number one. There were some unintended consequences of this sudden international readership.  I received an email today from the International Association of Local Oddballs, of whom I am a loyal member. Apparently some local oddball who is truly more local than me has filed a complaint questioning my credentials and asking that I be re-classified as some other type of oddball. Hmm. Well, I used to be more local is like reminding people that I used to be taller.

Dear foreign readers, I appeal to your sense of fair play in this matter. I did not intend for you to outsource your blogging. I’m certain there are more local people in Cameroon, Singapore or Mexico for you to read about. In the meantime a committee has been convened to investigate these dastardly charges against me.

Oddball barnstar green (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Tatiana in tee shirt (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

2011 in review Who knew blogging could be so much fun?

Image by MB Jarrosak via Flickr

Image by photography.andreas via Flickr

Image via Wikipedia

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 3,100 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 52 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

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