Why am I always opposite?

Anyone who has never been diagnosed with a mental illness should leave this blog entry immediately

Rethink Mental Illness (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

, because I’m not talking to you. I want to talk with people who have experienced trauma and gone on in their lives. There are more people than you would care to know who have had life changing events, such as abuse, witnessing abuse done to others, served in the military or been traumatized in civilian jobs. In fact trauma informed is the key phrase in peer support these days right alongside person-centered. We are recognizing that we are not just a mass of chemicals to be balanced. It’s just not enough to adjust one’s serotonin levels and believe that everything will be fine.

One of the ways things will continue to remain difficult is when we seek out romance. Most of the women I have been involved with as an adult have been in recovery from a severe mental illness. One of the major struggles in these relationships was whether I too had a mental illness. As it happened, I had a problem that I was unwilling to acknowledge for many years. My failure to acknowledge what I was experiencing cost me dearly.

Even more painful was the recognition that just because my significant others had acknowledged their issues did not make having a relationship any easier.When I wrote the title, why am I always opposite I had in mind the phrase “opposites attract.” A woman experiencing bipolar disorder today may act far differently than 5 years ago. Just as I act far differently today than I did 5 years ago.b I’m much quieter than I was, I like larger living spaces and I enjoy my own counsel more than ever. I have positive communications at work that never had seemed possible in the not too distant past.

I learned a lot from the way that I sabotaged my previous relationships. At first glance the woman I am dating currently is as different from me as night and day. But I am committed to seeing what we have in common and how it bring us together. I am tired of being the opposite of every woman that I meet. Sometimes it’s good not to be so different. Otherwise I may traumatize myself.

Português: Gato Psicótico criado pelo autor. English: Drawn by early 20th-century commercial cat illustrator Louis Wain near the beginning of his mental illness (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

V.I.D.A. (Photo credit: Pensamentos Filmados)

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Local oddball Goes International and Wild all at Once!

T-shirt for Kuma Bolo (Photo credit: Valeri-DBF)

Image via CrunchBase

One day I looked in a copy of The Onion, which is renowned for its fact based journalism and saw a picture of a guy in a tee shirt that proclaimed: local oddball.  And I thought, that could be me I’m local and quite a strange person and with that I was well on the way to becoming a local oddball. I didn’t buy the tee shirt, because I have too many clothes already.

But my next inspiration was to begin spewing forth my inspiration to tens if not dozens of people across and upon the fair city of Milwaukee. I bought a trusty computer recommended by Riley C. Cat, who you will recognize as a cartoon character in one of my earlier stories and away I was swept. I pondered for a few minutes whether there were guidelines for being an oddball. If I acted a certain way, would I be considered quirky, offbeat or or a poser? You know, one of those types who is a straight laced accountant by day but when he takes off his Lutheranism in front of the computer becomes a Superfreak. This sounds like a character from Barely Political.  But it wasn’t me.

I wanted to be recognized for who I am. Lately I have become more disturbed than ever upon having returned to my faithful computer and thrust myself upon it. When I checked the statistics of who was reading my pearls of wisdom, WordPress began telling me most of my readers were from outside the US. Yes, it’s true, dear reader.

Take yesterday, for example. I had readers from the United Kingdom, India, Haiti, Canada, Cameroon, Sweden, Singapore, Mexico and Honduras. I mean, who knew those places had Internet service? They edged out my local American readers in terms of quantification of enormity times py. And that’s really saying something because you know us Americans, we like to be number one. There were some unintended consequences of this sudden international readership.  I received an email today from the International Association of Local Oddballs, of whom I am a loyal member. Apparently some local oddball who is truly more local than me has filed a complaint questioning my credentials and asking that I be re-classified as some other type of oddball. Hmm. Well, I used to be more local is like reminding people that I used to be taller.

Dear foreign readers, I appeal to your sense of fair play in this matter. I did not intend for you to outsource your blogging. I’m certain there are more local people in Cameroon, Singapore or Mexico for you to read about. In the meantime a committee has been convened to investigate these dastardly charges against me.

Oddball barnstar green (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Tatiana in tee shirt (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Fatherhood

Image via Wikipedia

Image via Wikipedia

I met a strong black man on the bus Friday morning who I need to tell you about. Months ago I told a story about something ordinary. A poor black man with his daughter waiting at the bust stop. But Friday I was at the bus stop, got on and a black woman driver asked me, “where is your smile?” Mind you the black repugnant sheriff of Milwaukee keeps talking like the sky is falling and you are absolutely risking your life by riding the Milwaukee County bus system.

Despite a series of fare increases and service cutbacks, our buses still get people where they need to go. I have noticed there are many more African-American bus drivers than there were 20 or 30 years ago. Including the young woman driving the bus Friday who asked me where was my smile. My smile went from her to the tall, distinguished man sitting in the first seat. He was wearing alligator shoes and his bag indicated he was a veterans counselor at the state job service office. He was on the way to work.

As I spoke with him I learned that he had served in Vietnam a few years after I had left the military.  His job had been assisting diplomats evacuate the war ravaged country. He was wounded and was compensated by the government. War was very much on our minds. In this era of the all-volunteer army people have a choice whether to go to war. I thought about  the young man who died in Afghanistan at the end of last year a few days after re-enlisting. I thought about the family he left behind, his wife and children mourning his loss.

I also thought about the Obama administration updating the American military posture and Defense Secretary Leon Panetta reassuring war hawks that we will maintain our ability to fight two simultaneous wars. Only a few days after we closed out (but not really)  our disastrous involvement in Iraq, we’re reminded that we may still blunder around in search of enemies somewhere else in the world. I shared my concerns with my fellow rider, Mr. Jones. He told me that he had his wife had raised several adult children to be strong educated civilians. They had engineers, therapists and other accomplished children of whom they were very proud. And none of them are going into the military.

We talked about the military as an unofficial jobs program, especially in our present climate of high unemployment. And Uncle Sam will come calling offering young people an opportunity to come in a box. As Mr. Jones left the bus I thought about the lessons fathers teach their children regarding service to their country. He had done his job well, in instilling values that led them to succeed. You don’t need to join the military to serve your country. You can do just as well helping to build bridges, healing the sick and raising your children.  Thank you for your service, Mr. Jones.

Image via Wikipedia

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Little Known Support Groups You Should Join

Image via Wikipedia

As a peer specialist part of my job is finding resources for people who are experiencing emotional distress. Having revitalized my wildly successful blog last year I have been flooded with tips for my many dedicated followers.

These are among the many support groups I recently uncovered

1. PTAA, Post Traumatic Alien Abductions. If you’ve ever met someone who has been probed by aliens and survived long distance relationships with those fabulously interesting Martians, you know how annoying these people can become. They kill dinner conversation by quoting the latest SF movie and insist upon showing you exactly where ET and his friends had sex with them. Have you ever wondered whether  there wasn’t some place you could send them? Well, now there is hope. Just follow the link at the end of this blog and you and Jan Brewer will be free of aliens.
2. IMVGFDSFUIGE, If My Vegan Girl Friend Doesn’t Shut the Fuck Up, I’m Gonna Explode. If you’re like me, you want to shove a piece of meat in front of some smug vegan and say, bite me.As justified as your actions might seem at the time, some people would consider them morally repugnant. And someone might actually take you up on your offer. A safer alternative might be retiring to your nearest steakhouse for a couple of hours eating some of natures tastiest animals.
3. HCBMH, Herman Cain Broke My Heart. For those true believers who clung to his every word  and understood  the genius behind his 69/69 tax proposal I know you mourn for the one who was too intellectual for America. An early dropout from the Clown Car of Republican Presidential Comedians, he thrilled Jon Stewart and other irresponsible so-called journalists.  Your man, Herman, shall rise again, in bedrooms across America.
4. WNAWNM, We Need a War Now Mommy, for those deeply worried about the threat of peace breaking out in the next 4 years. There are deeply, sincerely, pro-life, sitting around pondering the death of Iranians just in time for next Christmas. Instead of saying all you  want is your two front teeth, you wish for dead children in some distant land. You may get your wish, just ask who god told Pat Robertson will be the next president.
   

   Image via Wikipedia

   

   Image via Wikipedia

    

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Have yourself an inclusive holiday

Image via Wikipedia

Image via Wikipedia

This is a holiday shared by many different traditions. Jews, Christians, pagans, capitalists, con men and war planners have all found December to be fruitful. I am a man for all seasons and I don’t mind sharing. I am celebrating the holidays with my family but we have not said grace. They respect my non-religious beliefs. If you are secure in what you believe you don’t have to push them on others like a brand of soap.

For me the winter solstice celebration speaks to my mind. Songs like Sleighride, Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas and Izat You Santa Claus feel more meaningful than Hark the Herald Angels Sing. I enjoy listening to Sammy Davis Jr. Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra as part of my holiday tradition.

But these end of the year celebrations are mostly about family. Today I will see my niece Grace for the first time. It will be only the second time that I have seen her mother. I am visiting my mother and sister for the first time in four years.  Even at 60 years old I got up at 3:30 not long after Santa’s helpers retired and looked at the Christmas tree I had helped to decorate.

When I shopped, I heard the voices of children asking for their parents. As I stopped at the Detroit Airport I spoke with the earnest young man from Delta Airlines who seemed determined to sell me some kind of preferred flyer membership tied to using American Express credit cards. I had lunch at a restaurant in  the airport and gave a generous tip to the waitress. At the stores I have contributed to the Salvation Army bell-ringers. And I have wished my Facebook friends a Merry Christmas.

The ways that we celebrate have changed and we create new traditions with each passing year. This is the first Christmas of marriage equality in my old hometown of Buffalo. And a gay time was had by all. So many seasons, so many reasons to celebrate in our hearts. Spread the love and put down the hate for we are all our parents’ children.

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“Seriously!?” Saturday: “Goooooooooooo Incest!”

“Seriously!?” Saturday: “Goooooooooooo Incest!”.

 

Reposted from a young woman Kimberly Back about a prank in which students were kissed and groped in an odd contest at school

Celebrate Real Love

Image by @Doug88888 via Flickr

Image via Wikipedia

Image via Wikipedia

I was looking at the Celebrate me home video once more  and I was struck but the ordinariness of love. There were not big boobed women from men’s fantasies in those pictures. They all passed the “put my arms around you” test but beyond that I didn’t see anything special about them. I found things to like about all of them. The children were equally adorable. I could not imagine any of them giving anyone fits like what I heard about on the bus yesterday.

There was a mother with her daughter talking to a friend about her son and the way that he had kicked the door off its hinges at home in a fit of rage. He was a tall violent child who scared and exhausted her.

I remember an acquaintance with a similar problem whose son frightened her with his mental health issues. I was thinking about that mother when I worked today and saw the artwork on the wall. Someone with a wonderful talent had created it. He is not an artist you would recognize. He is a man of vast potential and sometimes incredible rage.

I realize that rage, hatred and calm can be mixed together. I remember the movie Canvas, which tenderly portrayed the struggle of of someone living with a mental illness. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0780492/  Today my friends of potential, rage and tenderness reunited  with their friends and family. That was the portrayal of real love. It’s not always “handsome guy meets beautiful woman” the way that we see in a lot of movies. Real love involves working out a lot of things. Including understanding that the handsome guy might actually be attracted to another man he met along the way in the mental health center.

What can we do as a community to nurture love in all its forms and not the things which were ingrained in our minds for so long? Home and who is returning home to whom has changed but it still feels the same once we put our arms around one another. Go ahead and celebrate the diversity and wonder of love.

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Next Year’s Theme: Celebrate Me Home

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Image by hotdiggitydogs via Flickr

Occupy Australia

If President Obama was playing basketball with the American people, the play by play might go something like this. “The President fakes left, ending Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.” Next he goes far right, ignoring the execution of Troy Davis. He dribbles between his legs, passes the ball to Leon Panetta who explains we could go back to Iraq if their leaders requested it.  Then as the Republican candidates makes assess of themselves,  the President dunks as he announces America is going to occupy Australia. http://www.network54.com/Forum/211833/thread/1321502826/last-1321579706/US+permanently+stationed+2500+troop+in+Australia+to+watch+Chinese+movement

Yes 2500 troops will go to the land down under on a mission to supposedly watch Chinese naval movements. The President taps into that vast reservoir of funds and goodwill regained as the rich started paying their fair share of taxes to pay for another military occupation. Instead of taking my advice and realizing this is a hell of a long time to be occupying Asia,  the Big O goes deep and rushes to the aid of Australia, a small struggling third world country.

Actually, they’re a rather powerful and well developed nation.

The economy of Australia is a developed, modern market economy with a GDP of approximately US$1.23 trillion.^[10] In 2011, it was the 13th largest national economy by nominal GDP^[11] and the 17th largest measured by PPP adjusted GDP, representing about 1.7% of the World economy. Australia was also ranked the 19th largest importer and 19th largest exporter.

Australia is a member of the APEC, G20, OECD and WTO organisations. Australia has also entered into free trade agreements with ASEAN, Chile, New Zealand, Singapore, Thailand, and the United States.^[12] The ANZCERTA agreement with New Zealand has greatly increased integration with the New Zealand economy and there are now plans to form an Australasian Single Economic Market by 2015.^[13]

Sounds like a country that could afford to take care of itself. Ya think? Meanwhile, yes, I was kidding about that money from the rich, they’re placing bets on who to elect next November.

You might have noticed that at the same time President Obama declare that defending Australia was key to our national security, he re-assured China that we were not somehow tracking their naval expansion.  Our stores are filled with goods from China. The biggest beneficiary of the American “Black Friday” will undoubtedly be China as the consumer orgy floods our homes with more Chinese goods and services.

The Grand Game is on as bets are placed regarding the future of Social Security, Medicare and the  Health Care Law. Will the bloated US military escape the so-called draconian cuts scheduled to go  into effect if the Super Committee cannot find compromise?

Those of us on the left with our Occupy signs probably did not see President O’s latest right wing move coming. But we should have known that the moment the people start talking about occupy, the mis-leaders will  turn that into an opportunity to occupy another large landmass. Let’s Occupy the White  House.

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They’ve Given You a Number and Taken Away Your Name

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In the Johnny Rivers song Secret Agent Man http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0CQ8iaK5s8, there’s a line “they’ve given you a number and taken away your name.” Last weekend I heard about a similar kind of number. It’s the Global Assessment of Functioning http://depts.washington.edu/washinst/Resources/CGAS/GAF%20Index.htm. This scale of 1 to 100 is included in the DSM IV used by clinicians. The people scoring the lowest are increasingly delusional and at extreme risk of  harming  themselves or others.

This tool is increasingly popular in use. For instance the US military is testing soldiers to help weed out soldiers who may be unfit for duty. http://www.forthoodsentinel.com/story.php?id=5781. I have suggested that the the military stop conducting unnecessary and illegal wars which stress out soldiers and civilians. These demands were summarized in our slogan from the 1960′s “Make Love Not War.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmkAuTQ8Sc4

There are some other interesting numbers that may relate to global functioning. What is the black unemployment rate by year in America? According to CNN,  it was the highest in 27 years. http://money.cnn.com/2011/09/02/news/economy/black_unemployment_rate/index.htm What if we had taken a fraction of that money we gave  to  carry out these wars and spent it helping people re-enter  the job market? Isn’t it possible that some of those people who scored in  the 40′s and 50′s would have improved their functioning?

Another number we should know is the black graduation rate from high school. http://www.thegrio.com/specials/making-the-grade/grim-graduate-rates-for-black-males-highlight-racial-gap-in-schools.php. I have encouraged black peers to return to school and get jobs  and a few of them have taken my advice. They paid attention to the scores on the GED tests and they reflected their pride in their smiles.

I believe that our global functioning changes daily. I’ve never seen the number that was assigned to me and I  don’t think it would offer much insight. These numbers can be affected  by government use or misuse of resources. If you have grown up in an area with wealthy schools, you will be at the top of that scale and any other scale we have in this society.

We must understand that these scales are merely snapshots of how you were at any given day but they are not predictors. You might encounter a peer specialist who helps you to change. You  might see a friend who has seized an opportunity and gone far beyond the barriers that were erected. We must work globally to assess the functioning of our government to reduce the amount of money wasted until we get the kind of government that we deserve. When we get there, I’d like to play in that number.

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